My fancy schmancy little dashboard widget defines “normal” as this:
“Conforming to a standard; usual, typical or expected”
I am 30 years old and have yet to feel “normal.” When I was younger, I always made top-notch grades, took classes for “exceptional” students and scored in the top percentile of my classes. That was not “normal.”
For the majority of my life, I have worried about stretch marks, cellulite, wrinkles and other things I have never believed “normal” for someone my age … especially someone who hasn’t had a child.
And speaking of children, I’m 30 and just now starting to consider having them. I’ve never felt that maternal “I’ve gotta have babies … they’re sooo cute!” feeling that is considered “normal” for a woman my age.
My weight has never been “normal” … nor is the fact that I can cry at the dumbest, most insignificant little things or that I probably love my dog just as much as I would any child. I could go on for days about how not “normal” I am.
But about 5 months ago, I met the most wonderful, perfect-for-me fella who has challenged me look at all the things we classify under the rather obscure umbrella of “normal.” You see, this boy does not feel things as you and I do. He often does not think things as the rest of us do. I have tried time and again to assure him that none of us are really “normal.” We all have our stuff that makes us feel alone or scared or like nobody else could possibly understand us. I really have a hard time believing that there are many “normal” people out there.
That being said, his feelings of un-normalness are, indeed, much greater than most of ours and for a very good reason. That reason is an unfortunate, but definitely manageable illness – Bipolar Disorder (II in his case).
So, why am I writing about this? Why am I putting our business out there for all y’all to read? Why don’t I just keep this to myself and deal with it behind closed doors?
Because May is Mental Health Month, that’s why.
Our society can be unfair and even vicious to outsiders of any kind. Our country, in particular, has a sordid past in regards to restricting the voices and freedoms of people not like “normal” folks, be it their race or otherwise.
But the thing is, about 26% of Americans over the age of 18 have a “diagnosable mental disorder.” That’s 1 in 4 of us … about 58 MILLION Americans. And that’s just adults in this country! So what is “normal” … really?
I’ve spent months now reading about BP (it affects about 2.6% of American adults or 5.7 million people), helping my love deal with the roller coaster ride of emotions and trying to find a way that we can indeed have a wonderful and “normal” life together. There are medicines to take and routines to follow. There are good days, not so good days and days that might best be forgotten. But boy oh boy, our good days are great – and so much more appreciated than before this thing happened. We are making deals with one another … contracts of sorts. We are going to live happily ever after and make this thing work with us instead of always against us. We are being proactive.
One thing that we both feel is super important is educating the people around us about such things. At first, I didn't want to tell people his business. It was his business. But that turns out to be anything but true. It's my business too ... I claim it. And it's my family's business, his family's and our friends' business. Support and openness with our people are top priorities.
It can be scary but it’s not something to be scared of … there are tons of resources and ways to deal with any kind of mental health issue these days. And it’s not something to pity people over — be it the person with the illness or the caregiver. This is something that I’ve come to realize pretty clearly as of late. Pity does nothing to create an open and understanding world. Education and asking questions and getting away from this ridiculous idea of what’s “normal” are the things that help combat the stigmas associated with any mental illness.
The past few weeks have been especially challenging for us and when I finally had time the other day to stop and breathe and not be “on,” he thought something was wrong with me. That’s when I, again, tried to explain that even us so-called “normal” folks need to mellow out and just “be” sometimes. Nobody’s always up and happy and chipper chipper. (And if you are, I’d suggest speaking with a professional about that ;) Nobody can go-go-go all the time without taking some time to wind down, breathe and just exist … not happy, not sad, just as we are.
We are just normal people trying to live normal lives. I adore this boy and fully intend to do anything and everything I can to help him, to help us, live wonderful and absolutely fulfilling lives with this illness. It is nothing more. Just a biological thing that he was dealt. A thing that millions are dealt all the time. It’s just something we all need to take a few minutes to understand.
We are all in this game together. Understanding is key. Education is vital. One in four. That’s your spouse or your neighbor or your friend … your boss or your favorite actor. We can all make a difference in how people are treated.
“Love is the ultimate outlaw. It just won't adhere to any rules. The most any of us can do is to sign on as its accomplice. Instead of vowing to honor and obey, maybe we should swear to aid and abet. That would mean that security is out of the question. The words "make" and "stay" become inappropriate. My love for you has no strings attached. I love you for free.” ~ Tom Robbins
